have a nice life, miss sobriety.

Break-ups.

The very word sends an unwelcome shiver to my core.

Unfortunately, sometimes you've got to do what's best for you and him. You must be brave and say the word. Because it's what is right, even if you hate doing it.

Like they say: What happens will happen. What will be, will be.

Post-break-up is the worst time for me. I'm still processing everything that was said. Everything that was done. Everything in our past. Every word, every smile, every laugh, every kiss, every embrace. And that hurts. So much.

I know my ladies out there here me on this. Maybe the gents as well.

We all have different ways of handling this state of depression.

Some resort to beer and highs. Not the best way to handle anything, at all. It does nothing for your benefit.
Others break down and instantly crawl back to their ex-lover and cry, "I didn't mean it, take me back!" Which is sad and somewhat pathetic. I can't help but feel sympathy for these people.
And there are those like me that grab the dark chocolate covered espresso beans, choking on tears, and sit in front of the television watching "Interview With a Vampire" and "Wayne's World 2". This type is the indulging type.

But I'm also the kind to lay in bed all day, just laying there. Doing nothing but staring at the ceiling, living my past experiences. This is if nobody motivates me.

Who honestly does the 'right way to handle that situation'? By that I mean looking at the positive aspects and going on with a huge smile on your face. Everybody falls into a rut. In time they will move on, but not like that so soon.

And don't you hate it when you can't make people understand your pain? Even though they say the do, they don't. Because this is YOUR pain. Not theirs. They can't feel YOURS.
And that's what adds to the hurt.

cut me down with a blunt butter knife and call me suzy.

You know that turns out to be really good for you?
Watching incredibly, mind-blowing stupid movies.
Like the newly released (somewhat) "Journey to the Center of the Earth".
Oh my god, it is so typical Disney material, you're laughing at every idiotic/supposed-to-be-hilarious line and move.
Seriously.
I'm sure a guy could really take on a dozen man-eating plants at once and then make a big show of punching the last one in the throat and ripping off his sleeve as if to say, "Yeah. I am the very symbol of macho. Worship me, ladies."
Oh, please save us from this embarrassment!
No wonder foreign films are so much better than America's.
Anyway, it's good watching stupid movies once in a while because you need something to laugh at and it shows you just how good other ones are compared to that piece of crap.

Some conversations I thought was amusing:

(me on the phone with Bo, mum-s ex and good friend)
Bo- Hey, is your mom there?
Me- Uhm, no actually. They're at church.
Bo- Oh. Why aren't you with them.
Me- ...I slept in.
Bo- Good excuse.
Me- Yeah.
Bo- Keep up the good work.
Me- No problem.

(me and mum in the kitchen just now)
Me- So, I've been sticking with the apple a day thing.
Mum- Noticed any benefits yet?
Me- Uh, no not really. Am I supposed to?
Mum- Well, they'vre packed with a lot of vitamins that are really good for your skin. And it's got silicone.
Me (looking at apple)- Don't they use that for boob jobs?
Mum- Different kind.
Me- Ah.

(Online conversation between the b-fraan and I)
Ben- My interpretation of you ---> l
Me- My interpretation of you ---> O

feet in different slippers.

Christmas in... five days. A week, to be techinal (not counting week ends). And, quite frankly, my family has no idea what the hell we are doing.
I just really hope someway I can get an opportunity to introduce Ben to the fam-fam (not parents, more of the siblings/in-laws type of fam-fam). I mean, Geez, give me a chance.

Anywho. Presents (of the scarf variety) are being finished and handed out early. Some will have to wait. Yesterday I had received gifts of my own from Cath and her family. Very exciting. They exactly what I like (Starbucks chocolate, Jones Cream Soda, Victoria's Secret perfume, freshwateer pearls, and so much other sweet, darling stocking stuffers. Not to mention a hand-glass blown orange Les Paul figurine of which I adore).

Unfortunately, I have not received a single rose nor iTunes gift card. But I shant raise my hopes to high. I've learned not to have great expectations. Somehow whenever I do, they are shot down most unkindly.
There seems to be a pattern here.

it came a blossom fright.

Christmas time is here. And, oh, it shows. Snow has miserably fallen out of self-humored spite and laughs at my unavoidable suffering. Why, oh WHY does this depressing state have to be so cold? Honestly it's not fair. We have average of eight months of bitterness and only... four months of warm/hot sun? I feel cheated.

I was pondering just what the best holiday gifts are. And I've come up with a small list and reasons. Naturally, this list is the best presents for the female variety.

1. A single flower (well, this would have to be part of the whole present. Only getting a flower is kind of a disappointment, don't you think?) Favorably of the rose variety. BUT have some kind of originality and pick a different color than red. A red rose is a bit overused, is it not? I say a single flower because, though bouquets are fantastic, a single would relay a message similar to "you are the ONLY one for me, my love". Something cutesie like that. Here's a list from a list of some colored roses and their meanings to make things easier for you fellas:

Pink is the rose conveying the meaning of elegance and grace. I recommend this if your girlfriend is a dancer.

Generally the yellow rose is associated with friendships, but also means warmth and joy. I think this would be a good flower to give to a growing crush.

The white rose carries the meaning of purity and commitment. A nice pick for a pre-engagement hint or a token of your honor and devotion.

My personal favorite, the orange rose. This one signifies passion, excitement, and desire. Aren't they precious?

Lavender is also a very unique color symbolising enchantment. Does she enchant you?

2. Gift Cards! So many and yet you can't get enough! I looove these things. Whoever invented the idea of gift certificates should honestly get a Noble Peace Prize or something fancy like that. He's changed the world.

So anyway, here's some that you can take in mind: iTunes, Hot Topic or American Eagle (depending on her taste), Michael's (for the creative type!), Barnes And Nobles (for the adorable nerd type), Starbucks (who wouldn't want one of these?), Target (comes in handy for make up supplies), Forever 21 (awesome store), and I think that's just about it because I can't concentrate anymore for some odd reason.

3. Frankly, just get whatever the hell she's been raving and mooning over. Easy, right?

-cough- So, if you're feeling generous.... I'DREALLYLOVEYOUIFYOUGOTMEANYOFTHESE! MY SIZE IS SMALL, BUT EXTRA SMALL IS GOOD TOO! ALL OF THESE ARE FROM HOT TOPIC!

heh heh.

i am a rock and i feel no emotion.

No doubt that I have writer's block as of late. I simply have been too overwhelmed or unmotivated to write down anything. Or type. Whatever you like.
Much and nothing has happened.
Tomorrow is Ben and my two-monther. Which should also mean that my brother's wife is also two months along.

What I must say is that I've entered the realm of which I'm finally figuring out who I am, what I believe, what I stand for. Never would I have thought that this time in my life would be so gosh darn confusing.
While I'd love to discuss my religious beliefs, I'd much rather not. That I am still pondering over. So many questions that stand unanswered. I like logic. I'm finding it hard to find logical answers, hence my point.
Lately I've been opening my mind and keeping it that way. By doing this I've found so many options and understanding so much more on different perspectives. Some that I'd never believe I would ever come across.
I know I'm growing up. At an increasing rate. By this, I mean mentally. To be honest, I don't think my parental units have taken much notice (or refuse?). Oh, I'm still a helpless infant who needs guiding hands every freaking second of the way (notice dripping sarcasm).
I'm going to be a completely normal and typical teenager when I say I can't wait to get out of this hellhole.
Oh, sweet Mexico, here I come!

hear the bells calling, they're dying.

Christmas is coming up quickly and I find myself crocheting scarves frantically. I wish we weren't in such a recession as we are. Dumb government. Really, they are behind EVERYTHING. And when I say everything, I mean everything bad that has happened to this country. Well, that's my opinion. And I won't go too deep so I won't have the men in black suits at my door tomorrow morning. -shudder-

I guess to distract my strong blamings, I will rave about what I REALLY BADLY INSANELY want for this Christmas.



The sweet peacoat. Sigh. I believe this one is from a Deliah's catalogue, but whatever. The sleeves are just long enough and it looks like its a bit form fitting. Perfect. I wonder if they have an extra extra extra small?

Watch me get one of these:


HA. I haven't actually looked around in there for a year. And why I say a year is because I got one of them for Christmas from a family member. Made the best of it and got a pair of skinny jeans.

What would be better, but not as much as a peacoat is this:

Whoot!!