i hate you so much right now.

Dear Gregory Smithey or Smithy-Idon'tgiveacrap.

I despise you. I KNOW what your Buns of Steel Video is all about, really I do.
You like to know that the millions of steel buns-wanting women across the nation are going through traumatic pains while bowing under your smooth-sounding whims.
I FELL VICTIM.

My legs are now sources of burning jell-o, thank you very much. And I think the consistency of jell-o and steel are very different.
And when you ask, "Are you feeling it?" You know that we're not just feeling it. We're SUFFERING it. All for the glorious and shapely buns o' iron.
You disgust me.

And when you say, "Look at that french fry... And that carrot cake!" Just what are you implying?! Am I too fat and sugar-infested to handle your video of inhuman torture?

You, Mr. Whateveryournameis, are an inferior menace to the society.

Hugs and Kisses!
E. Fatale.

here's to you.

Just this morning, I've never felt so appreciated and honored.
Other then being sent 80 duplicate text messages as a joke at 7:30 a.m. from a rather mischevious friend (of which I considered possible mutiny for the slightest second), it's been a lovely day. And it's only 12:00 in the nose!
I was looking at my blog, just checking onthings, and decided to go to Miss Ive's sandinmyswimsuit.
Lo and Behold! A post all about l'il ol' me.
I swelled with gratitude and pride as I read the glowing report.
Love you, Ive.
Couldn't have asked for a better sister.
And just so you all know, I adore Coldplay, and especially their new hit, "Viva La Viva".

Here's to you Miss Ive, just because The Shins are incredible and I hope you like them:

holy cullens.

So Bloody Excited.

Aren't you?!

ancient vows and happy feet

Beside's Sister Kim, I had another wedding to attend: Brother Ben. His fiancee, Steph, was absolutely gorgeous (as usual), I must say! Ben looked smashing, as did his son/my nephew Liam.
The wedding took place at an elite war memorial. And when I say elite, I mean ELITE. I was postively blown away by the beauty of the gardens and courtyards and and and just EVERYTHING. It was very first class, if you know what I mean. And I'm a country bumpkin so I know what I'm talkin' about when I say it was nice.
The wedding itself was very nice, not too long or too boring. Emily, my oldest sister, sniffling by me made it a tad humorous for myself.

Let me tell you: The reception was by FAR the best I've ever been to! Miss Ive can tell you that.
In fact, I sat by her during the dinner. Let me tell you something about Ive: she's so funny about her drinks. At first she started with a beer. Then I looked over and saw that was gone and in place was a scotch (very fancy). She ordered a coffee as well at the same time. Now tell me that isn't funny in the least bit!
"I'm so not writing about this for weeks," she laughed as she took a sip of Scotch.
"Oh," I snickered. "but I am."
And it's even funnier because up on the dancefloor, she had another alcoholic beverage in hand while dancing, pausing here and there to take a drink.

Before I left, I stepped outside to give Ben his aviators he had me hold on to for the wedding. He was chatting with a group of his twenty-something and thirty-something friends.
"This is my little sister," he said, putting his arm around me.
"Like, Seriously?" A man asked. "Like, little little sister?"
They were all staring at me in wonder.
"Um, yeah. Baby sister right here." I grinned.
"Woah."
"Yeah, I'm almost sixteen." I laughed.
That's when they all started really staring and laughing indisbelief.
"So you're not like, thirty or something?" the guy asked.
Well, thank you, Mister Knowledge.

The thing about our family is that not ONE of us are sane in the least bit. It's up to Steph to be the only one. I wish I could describe what the dancefloor looked like with all my siblings and Ive up there. We should go into circus business.

Really, it was the best night ever. I've never danced so much in my life.
Note to Self: Need more Family Functions. Bring Disco Ball. Kidnap DJay.

our pathetic pleasures

I'm very sorry to say that we humans seem to derive amusment from the smallest, most irrelevant happenings.




If you laughed at this very hilarious video, my point is proven.
The baby bit his brother's finger and caused him pain. So what? Well, it's funny. Pain is funny. The kid's face as he realises This Hurts! is funny.

We all get a thrill out of insignificant things. For instance, two days ago I was paid $30 from my babysitting job. My mother and I went to Target for a few supplies and I thought, Hell, I can get whatever I want!
So in the freezer aisle, I picked up the Toaster Strudels (Raspberry, if you must know) and waved them in her face.
"I'm gonna buy 'em! Watcha gonna do about it?" I danced around a little and threw them in the cart. She never used to let me get those things, ever.
"You're really pathetic, you know? Getting all excited over that." She laughed and shook her head.
Oh, well... Whatever.

Yesterday my little American Eskimo saw a hot air balloon that was dangerously close to the ground. He peed and zipped to the backyard. Now I nearly peed because I was laughing so hard. How sad. I sure wasn't laughing later when we figured that Juneau had taken the escape route a couple blocks down because he was so freaked.

Now, I must ask: If what we usually laugh at is pretty stupid, what IS funny, then?

greedy grins and selfish smiles

I know in all of our lives, we get something precious taken away from us. Sometimes it's so unexpected, that we have to stand there, blink a few times, and process s l o w l y.
I've had that happen to me recently... I processed quite quickly and didn't like it at all.

Which brings me to my advice:

Whatever you hold close to your heart, person or possession, be greedy with it/him/her every moment of everyday. You never know when or how that something could be ripped away from your life.

So drive that Mercedes all over town every night! Who cares if gas is $4.00 (apparently not Bush!)?
Smother your lover, even if he or she gets all wrinkly from all the saliva-y kisses.
Polish that wedding ring obsessively and slobber over its beauty!
Listen with a smile on your face to your parents singing that love song to each other. They won't be there for you forever. You know what? Sing it with them. 'I bless the day I found you...'

how to save thousands of dollars.

Yes, it's just as simple as this:

Don't have kids.

Well, I'm not pressuring you to, but I've been utterly convinced today to follow those three, blessed words.

I've always never been a fan of small children.... But earlier this afternoon I was confirmed. My three nephews (along with 90% of my family) were over for a birthday celebration for two of them.

They were bored. I was innocently in my room talking with Catherine.

They attacked.

Literally.

For kids of ages six, seven, and ten, they were rather wrathful. They did anything possible to annoy me. Crawling, punching, pushing, pinching me out of my room. My tolerance was on level zero.
I had to constantly remind myself they were of my own flesh and blood. I withstood their little game and threw them around, attempting to rid myself of the pests.

Eventually this all stopped when their grandfather (my dad) took them to the beach. Ah, sweet silence, solitude, and seperation.

But, honestly, do you know how much money you save if you don't have kids?! I say.

city of misery

I must apologise for the disappearance. I was whisked away on a secret journey to New York City for the celebration of my sixteenth birthday (which isn't until September). Was I surprised? I was having a hysterical breakdown in the backseat.
New York is just as I imagined. Huge, crowded, dirty. Absolutely beautiful. The best part, I have to say, was the food. You haven't LIVED until you eat in Little Italy.
I must say, however, stay away from Chinatown. I was reading the outside menu of a little restaurant and came across the dishes of:
'Crap Fish and Rice
Sweat and Sour Chicken
etcetera.'
There seemed to be an awful lot of Crap fish. I played it safe and got the seafood fried rice. Although when attacking it with my chopsticks, I found long, rubbery white things that I wasn't too sure about. Crap fish?
You are what you eat.

The greatest thing about being a tourist in a huge, overcrowded city is the fact that you don't know one soul there. This, I took advantage of.
We were standing in the one hour wait line for the Empire State building tour. I got bored, and Catherine started poking me. I let out a ear-piercing wail that would normally come from the mouth of a distressed one year old. I shocked the life out of the toddler in front of me and probably anyone in the four foot radius. And believe me, I didn't quit.
"STOOOOP ITTT! IMMA TELL DADDYYY!" I shrieked, stomping my foot.
Believe me, I don't have any problem with publicly humiliating myself. In fact, I get a kick out of it.
And that's what the best thing is. When you don't know anyone, act like a complete and utter moron.

mystery is key.

It has come to my attention that some of my viewers are curious as to WHO the heck is this E. Fatale. Well, I'll tell you, E stands for EVILLLL.

And the picture below is an inkling of what I appear to be:


Mhm. Better believe it, chumps. Imma blog-addicted, anger-loving chimp. With attitude.